Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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