this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
