I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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