Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
