Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
