By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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