You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize