come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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