for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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