My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
