the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize