LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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