how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You took a bar mat shot.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
