I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
