at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
