If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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