My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
