just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you still have your period?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
