your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
