I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
