somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
