A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
