Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
