we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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