no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
