I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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