absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
