I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
