i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
