As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
