That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
