everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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