I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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