plz talk dirty to me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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