So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Say something about gay babies.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
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You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
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Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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