she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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