Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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