she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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