If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
