i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
