Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
they need to just BURY HIM!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
