Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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