you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
