When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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