Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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