he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Can you bring me the toilet please
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
