even my farts smell like vagina
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
