Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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