he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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