I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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