I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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