Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
