I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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