This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
