my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
