I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
