bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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