I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
