Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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