I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
