Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Randomize
