i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
