You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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