You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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