I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
