Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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