epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
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