Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In other news, I just burned my penis
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
