i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
