you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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