I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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