i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
