He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
