He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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